Identity

If someone had asked me to define my identity six months ago, I could have easily done so:  wife, mom, worshiper...with a few other secondary labels sprinkled in.  I knew the path that lay before me and I was very happy to stay on it.  While it took most of my twenties to discover this, I knew who I was, and who I was not.

What I’ve learned in this last six months is that God always has more for us than we will ever know.  It’s unwise to base our future on our past experiences.  The past shapes who we are in the present, but doesn’t determine our future.  So much in fact, that many stories in the Bible depict God changing the names of His followers;  Abram to Abraham, Saul to Paul, Simon to Peter, etc. He realized that their identities were wrapped up in their names and this would change the way they saw themselves.  Case and point, imagine you have a different name...It changes the way you think of yourself, doesn’t it?

Jeremiah 18:6 says “...As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand.”  I want to continue to be molded by my Maker – to not just see my identity through my own abilities and experiences, but to see myself the way He sees me.   I will not always hold the positions I do now, but I always want my heart’s cry to be, “Here I am – send me, use me, change me, mold me!” 

Leading with Confidence

I once heard an academy award winning actress say, "50% of acting is confidence...".  I've come back to that quote many times in my life.

We are often given leadership roles based on our skill set, or at very least, the willingness to fill the position.   I was given the role of Worship Director at C3 Church Atlanta, in part, because I can play piano, sing and I love to worship.  These skills come naturally to me and I've been developing them since the age of 13 (although my mom would say since the age of 2).  But, those skills alone don't make me a leader.

Several years ago, being one of the newer worship leaders in our church, people would come up to me after I would lead and say "Great job!"  For a while, this was how I measured my "performance" as a worship leader .  I remember clearly one night God saying,  "You may not always receive accolades, but I am always pleased when you lead others into my presence."  That changed everything.

Psalm 57:7 says "My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!"  This doesn't just apply if you're a worship leader, we're all called to glorify God through what we do for Him.  It's dangerous to base our success on others' approval because, frankly, we can't please everyone!  We must place our confidence in the One who gave us life and opens doors for us.

Remember that no one can manufacture confidence for you.  If your leader has given you a position based on your skills or willingness, you should honor them by leading confidently.  You may not always make the right decisions, but great leaders would always rather correct a little along the way than be in a constant state of frustration because you won't move forward.

Always ask God for wisdom and guidance.  If we're listening for His voice, He will help us navigate through difficult situations.  Be open to correction when it comes (and it will).  Place your confidence in Him and honor Him by believing that He can do great things in and through you.

My humble beginnings :)

The Value of Worship

Worship services are not rock concerts, nor are they the entertaining bit before the message.  Sadly, without realizing, people can tune out or miss the first few of minutes of a service because they don't feel they will miss much.

The challenge is to train your congregation to understand and value worship.  Worship services are not a 4 song set then on to the next thing, it's an opportunity for God to fill us as we exalt him in our lives.  This is a challenge worth pursuing.  I've been in many meetings where God began to move so much that we just ended up staying in worship for the whole service.  People can sometimes feel uncomfortable or get tired and want the service to move on, but the bible says "wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength" ~ Isaiah 40:31.  I'm not suggesting that we get rid of messages in our services; scripture and teaching bring revelation that people need in order to live fuller lives.  I am suggesting that we train and challenge our congregations to go deeper in their intimacy with God through worship.  Quality over quantity.

Worship opens people's hearts to receive more out of your services.  It softens us and opens our eyes and ears to heaven's perspective.  Worship cultivates good soil in us, so that God can plant seeds of revelation that will flourish.  Worship moves God back into his rightful position in the center of our lives.  God created us to worship Him and this is what our future in heaven will consist of!  Teach your churches to value worship on a deeper level and watch their lives transform because of His presence!

Embracing Frustration

James 1:2-4 MSG

v2.  Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.

v3.  You know that under pressure your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it's true colors.

v4.  So don't try to get out of anything pre-maturely.  Let it do it's work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in anyway.

WOW!  This passage is speaking very strongly to me this past week.  Everyone of us faces seasons in our lives where things don't go our way.  Sometimes we have control over them, sometimes we don't.  In any case, we are presented with a choice to let these frustrations take us out or take us up.

I love that Paul calls tests and challenges a gift.  Our natural response to challenges is to back away from them.  Gifts, on the other hand, are rarely refused.  Seeing a challenge, not as a problem, but as an opportunity to grow us will cause us to embrace it.

Walking through a challenge is never easy and when the pressure is on, reality can overwhelm us.  This is when leaning on God is extremely important.  But, filling ourselves with His Word and keeping our prayer life vibrant is just as important in the good times as it is in the bad.  We would not expect to run a race without training first, therefore it's important to invest time into our relationship with God so that we're stronger in crisis.

Growing up I was not very active.  I played softball and enjoyed it because there wasn't a lot of running involved and usually it was only in short spurts.  If faced with a running drill I would sprint as fast as I could to get it over with-usually ending in a sad, lung-burning walk half way through.  Endurance was not my specialty and I wanted nothing to do with it.  This all changed a few years ago.  Through participating in triathlons I got a revelation of the importance of building endurance in life.  I learned that sometimes you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes you have to tell yourself 'just keep going' to the rhythm of your cadence until you've completed your race.  My friends and I joke when we arrive at a race, asking each other why we keep putting ourselves through these events.  We put ourselves through it because of what we feel at the end.

Frustrations are a part of life but they're usually the catalyst that enlarge our capacity, elevate our faith and prepare us to live the life God has called us to!

A New Chapter...

So much has happened since my last post.  I wish I had written down all of my thoughts along the way...should've, could've....

January was supposed to bring an automatic dose of vision but I felt I had missed it.  I continued on, praying that God would give me the new vision I was looking for.  Our worship services were going really well, but I started realizing it was time for me to stop carrying the services and push others on our team into the deep end.  After all, raising worship leaders is a pretty important part of my job.

One Mid-February Sunday morning, I felt God say it was time to prepare the worship team to thrive in my absence.  That same morning I asked the team to stay alert at all times during the service.  That I wanted ALL of them to start thinking like I wasn't there and that they were in charge.   

Before I move on, I want to say this...there's always a story within the story.  One of my dreams was to travel and speak to other worship teams but whenever I would pray about it I could feel God saying, not yet.  Over the years I have come to realize that God gives us the desires of our hearts when we're ready for the responsibility that comes with them.   We have to believe that God is not holding us back but preparing us.  Above all, we have to trust him.  God's timing is perfect.

Two days later Ps Dean and I had a rather unexpected conversation.  Ps Jeff and Sunny Kane had become the campus pastors of C3 Milton and were taking it to the next level.  Ps Dean presented the idea of running the women's ministry as Ps Sunny would be giving more focus to C3 Milton.   Needless to say, I did not see that coming.  What did I know about being a women's minister? Seemingly, nothing.  How did this line up with my dream of traveling and speaking?  Seemingly, it didn't.  Honored and a little puzzled by the path being laid before me , I accepted the new charge.

I'd be lying if I said I felt completely confident after our conversation...I'd be lying if I said I didn't shed a few tears.  I had no idea what my life would look like with this new addition but I knew it I would be stretched - I felt it almost instantly.  Sometimes in order to move forward in life, we have to give up the things that make us feel comfortable. 

God has started filling me with more vision than I can take in (for both departments).  I feel an anointing I didn't have before.  The filter I used to see through has been removed and undeveloped gifts are now being activated in me.  I am completely thrilled about what lies ahead for myself and the gorgeous women I have the honor of serving.

The Fuel is in the "Yes"

Last year I heard my Pastor Jill Sweetman speak this over someone:  "The fuel is in the YES." It has stuck with me ever since. After hearing a great message from my friend Caitlin Henry, I was inspired to write this...

When my husband Kevin and I first moved to Georgia from FL my capacity was that of a 5 year old.  We started attending C3 and instantly had a close knit group of people welcome us in to their family.  We had 5 invitations a week for lunch after church and dinner invitations 3 out of 5 week nights.  For a home body who was used to the slow and easy this was quite an adjustment to make.

My first several years here were challenging.  There was always an opportunity for me to serve or socialize, but I didn't see it as opportunity.  I saw it as something that would take me away from my home time, aka, my agenda.  After a while I realized I was missing out some amazing things because of my decision to say no.  I started seeing that the "yes" people were moving forward and I was not.

I slowly began to work the word yes into my vocabulary and after a couple of years doors started opening...flash forward...

In the spring of 2009 we helped plant the Asheville, NC church.  Our Sunday mornings would start at 6AM.  We'd do a sound check and 2 services in Lawrenceville, pack up our gear and our 3 year old, grab lunch and embark on a 3 hour tour, sorry, drive ;).  We would arrive in just enough time to help set up the PA, do a sound check and start the meeting.  Later, we'd tear down, grab dinner with the locals and drive home, arriving around 1AM.  I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

I truly believe one of the biggest reasons I'm doing what I am today is because of my choice to say yes.

Is it always easy? NO.

Is it comfortable? 33.3% of the time.   

Do I feel I'm in the center of God's will?  Absolutely!


Now, a word to those of you who tend to say yes to everything...

There are very few things I say no to now.  When in doubt I consult my husband, my pastor, or closest friend (depending on the situation) who will all give me true insight, not just tell me what I want to hear.  Not too long ago I was asked to speak at a conference in another state, which I was very excited about.  I asked my pastor how he felt about it and he gently suggested that I needed to choose my "extras" wisely.  I heard him loud and clear.  After thinking it through I realized this wouldn't be the family weekend getaway I was hoping for.  It would have been a work weekend with little or no down time.  We would have returned exhausted-just in time for the next work week!

Let your default be yes. But if you tend to over-commit, seek wise council in managing those commitments. God loves movement.  He loves it when we step out into something we're not quite sure we can handle.   It gives Him the opportunity to show us what He can do through us.

Authenticity

John 4:23 MSG
...“the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship."


I love it!  God wants you, the real you.  He wants you, in all your strengths and weaknesses. He wants your imperfections, your quirkiness, your whole heart!  


Some of my most memorable times of leading worship have been when I've forgotten the words to the song or I've said something semi-funny to get people to laugh (usually at me).  They're memorable not because I was embarrassed, but because it reminded me I don't have to be perfect - hey, it's not about me anyway!!!  


Don't get me wrong, I want our worship services to be the best thing going every week, but I'll take genuine worship (albiet full of technical errors) over 'well-rehearsed' (but that's about it) any day.  We should always bring our best before God...mix that with a genuine desire to touch heaven and you've got the makings of a great worship experience-even if it's full of mistakes!


Don't hold back in your worship because you don't feel adequate.  God knows we don't have it all together; we wouldn't need Him if we did.  Take the focus off of your insecurities, mistakes and short-comings and focus on His merciful, unfailing love.  Determine to give Him your best effort in worship and watch Him move like never before!

Obedience Vs. Sacrifice

Genesis 22:2  “Take your son, your only son—yes, Isaac, whom you love so much—and go to the land of Moriah. Go and sacrifice him as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will show you.”

Can you imagine how Abraham must have felt? How many alternatives must have flashed before his eyes? This was his promised son that he waited so many years for.  It's natural to struggle with this story and I can safely say, very few of us (if any) will ever be asked to do what Abraham was asked to do.  But let's bring it into leadership context... What about when our leader asks us to do something we don't agree with, or when we think we can come up with a better idea?  This is when sacrifice can begin to look more appealing than obedience.  What do I mean by sacrifice?  It's not uncommon for us to feel challenged when we're expected to comply (especially when we don't understand the reasons).  The temptation of doing something we feel is more valuable, more convenient, or will give us more credit can become very strong.  We justify our lack of obedience by sacrificing something that suites us better.  At this point, we've put our interests above our leader's.

Abraham could have come up with a dozen alternatives.  He could have asked Sarah her opinion on the situation and I assure you, this would have only made things more difficult.  Abraham could have reasoned his way out of this difficult ask but he chose to honor God by obeying.   The story goes on...

16 “This is what the Lord says: Because you have obeyed me and have not withheld even your son, your only son, I swear by my own name that 17 I will certainly bless you. I will multiply your descendantst beyond number, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will conquer the cities of their enemies.18 And through your descendants all the nations of the earth will be blessed—all because you have obeyed me.”

"All because you have obeyed"...God elevates Abraham, because he obeyed.  Remember this story the next time you feel challenged or want to justify going a different direction than you've been asked.  God is looking for people who would honor those he's put in authority over us.  I'll leave you with one last verse...

I Samuel 15:22 But Samuel replied,  “What is more pleasing to the Lord:  your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice?  Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

The Power of Words

Here we are - the first week of the year!  There's something so exciting and motivating about standing on the precipice of the unknown.  Our Pastor, Dean Sweetman, spoke this past Sunday about God's individual Word for our life this year, using John 1:1-5 as the basis for his message.  Let me save you the time to look it up...(NLT)

1  In the beginning the Word already existed
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.

2  He existed in the beginning with God.

3  God created everything through him,
and nothing was created except through him.

4  The Word gave life to everything that was created,
and his life brought light to everyone.

5  The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it.

I'll be going back to that passage frequently!  The challenge in his message was to find the word(s) God is speaking over your life this year.  The word you'll go back to when the going gets tough. The word you'll use to take you further than you've ever gone before.

I was kind of hoping my word would be something really epic like..."Pioneer" or "Prosperity".  But, while I'm sure someone else very deserving got those words, I got one that was a little less exciting.  And that's just what I needed.

I've had words in the past that have absolutely changed me.  A few years ago "Vision vs Complaint" ruled my world.  Ps Jill Sweetman had preached an incredible message about choosing vision in all situations rather than complaining about them.  Having a natural bent towards negativity, this was extremely challenging.  But, as I continued to choose vision my mindsets began shifting, things that would normally have taken me out became catalysts for successes in my life.

A year or two later my words were "Discipline IS Happiness".  When I began my fitness journey almost 4 years ago this phrase kept me going on those frigid mornings I was meant to be getting out of bed for a run, or the 6AM swims.  I found that when I chose to follow the schedule I had set for myself I was much happier.  I still come back to this phrase now and then when I find myself in a slump (fitness or non-fitness).

This year, my word means a lot to me (and maybe, just me).  It's exactly what I needed for the challenging areas of my life.  God knows.  My word has been there waiting for me to find it, waiting for me to acknowledge and trust it.  My word has creative power.  My word will be there for me when I run into mental road blocks or when I face doubt.

I encourage you to find God's word over your life this year.  By doing so, you are creating an opportunity for God to do something extraordinary!

Art for Sale?

A friend of mine recently wrote an article about her journey as a personal trainer. This woman’s goal as a personal trainer is to develop her clients’ discipline to the point that they won’t need her anymore. Curious, isn’t it? Why would someone who is so passionate about her livelihood be so insistent on convincing her income providers they don’t need her?! Here are a few thoughts regarding her strange behavior ;)

“...It’s better to give than to receive” ~ Acts 20:35
It’s a Godly principle, and a sign of maturity to give something and truly want nothing in return. When we give out of the overflow of our hearts we show others that we live in abundance and that makes us compelling. When we’re needy, scared, desperate, we repel those we need the most. My friend believes that if she continues to develop and release her clients she’ll get more referrals resulting in more business, and I agree.

Do what you love first...
Before I became the worship pastor at C3 Church Atlanta I was a volunteer for years. Many days of my week were spent giving of my time and talent with no expectations of compensation. Serving this way wasn’t work to me, it was pure joy! I encourage young people in our church to do what they love now, and learn to do it so well that eventually they will be paid to do it. My friend began by giving by her services away. She would probably be surprised if she added up how many of her clients have insisted on paying her because she’s that crucial to their success.

“You can’t assign monetary value to art...” ~ Seth Godin
Now let’s be realistic, we all need money, but if our goal in life is to be rich, we’re REALLY missing it. Before I came on staff, I would occasionally be asked if my goal was to be paid. My answer was always, adamantly, NO. My involvement in our church was my gift, my art, my contribution. I felt that being reimbursed for it would take some of the joy from it. I felt that it would cripple my creativity and vision. It took (and some days still takes) some adjusting, but I feel incredibly blessed to be receiving compensation for something I know God called me to do. When we do what we love it’s not a “punch-in, punch-out” job. It’s a part of us, it’s our passion! While I love the benefit of a paycheck, I never want that to be my motivator.

Walt Whitman said “The gift is to the giver, and comes back to him.” Remember, it’s not reciprocity that rewards us, it’s giving that brings us joy.

1 year later...

Here we are.  One year after I created this blog and I have.....13 written posts.  I suppose it could be worse, I could have not written at all.  I guess the most important thing I've gotten from this last year of writing blogs is that this has become an outlet. A place where I can be creative.  A place where I can bravely (gulp) share my art.  A place that I still have to force myself to return to because it presents a challenge.  A place that I still very much feel vulnerable.

My first post was called, "Shouldn't this be easier" and if you go back and read it, this post may make more sense to you.  I suppose writing blogs has become a little easier but, hitting the share button has not.  In fact, it was only 4 months ago that I took the leap and made my blog public.  Before that, only a few very encouraging people knew about it.  Now I have (a whopping) 5 followers (hi guys!).

But have I accomplished my goal through this blog?

I'm teaching Seth Godin's book Linchpin to our School of Ministry students and we're currently studying "The Resistance".  The resistance is the fear that prevents you from making yourself vulnerable.  The fear that keeps you from sharing something you've worked so hard on, or worse, keeps you from even starting it.  When it comes to my ultimate goal, the resistance has kept me quiet.  It's kept me from even trying, for fear of humiliation and certain failure.  I've even come up with a concept for my next "stepping stone" to make the transition easier but, sadly, have not even been able to muster up the courage for that.

I will get there.  At some point my resolve will become stronger than my excuses; stronger than the fear I've let hold me still.  When that happens, WATCH OUT!  I can see it now... The wastebasket overflowing with wadded up notebook paper, and me looking like I've been through the fight of my life to come up with a chorus that reads....(dramatic pause)...."Hallelujah"....NO! Not another "Hallelujah"!  Eureka! That's it! My first song will be called "Not Another Hallelujah"

...or not.

Well there you have it, my first attempt at writing a song, here on blogger for all to see...The process of beating the resistance has begun!  Wish me luck as I continue on my journey!

Seasons

As I sit here on this perfectly dreary Fall day, I’m thinking of the seasons of our lives. Last
night during Collective, as different people prayed, you could tell what kind of season each was in. Some prayed for others to be given new dreams, some prayed for a revival in all aspects of their lives, some stood quietly, and others prayed for growth. With each season in life comes a responsibility to that season.


Spring is a time of new vision, dreams and birthing. We all feel good when we have a new idea - everyone loves the new. Dreaming is the easy part, though. After the initial dream/idea, we have to begin planning/implementing. God doesn’t give us seeds so we can hold them in our hands. He gives us seeds to plant. But without consideration of location, amount of water and sunlight, etc., we don’t give our seeds much of a chance to germinate.


Summer is a time for building, growing and nurturing. It is a time for putting in the hard work to weed out parts of your dream that aren’t working, and strengthen the parts that are. It is also a time to watch out for dangers/distractions that could cause disruption in the growth. In Summer, it is important to continue to water as your concepts become realities. Remember that even though you may start seeing results, this is no time to back off. Never stop evaluating, cultivating, nurturing and preparing for…


Fall is the big show! It is the season when you see your dreams fulfilled. You’ve worked so hard, and now you can enjoy the spoils. This season usually starts with a bang and then normalizes. There are really only a few weeks to enjoy the gorgeous color and nip in the air that is Autumn. The challenge in this season is to understand that the leaves in full color soon fall to the ground and the crisp air soon turns to cold.  We should celebrate and relish in our accomplishment but understand that we cannot live there...


Winter can be a very difficult time for a lot of people. While it should be considered a time of rest, a lot people view it as a season of death. If we’re not careful, past failures and insecurities become our focus, and we miss the opportunity to slow down. If you’re experiencing this season now, I suggest you take advantage of it. God may have given you this as a gift to regroup, evaluate, or just simply rest in Him. This is the most important time to remember that you’re in a season, not in a permanent state.


No matter what season you find yourself in, remember that you have a responsibility with each one. I believe you can be prosperous with each season you’re given. Psalm 1:3 NLT “They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.” If you draw close to God in each season you’ll find His presence makes each one more fulfilling. If you find yourself frustrated, lean on Him, don’t rush ahead of Him. God has perfect timing, if we trust it, we will enjoy each season more.

Flexibility

How flexible are you? On a scale of 1-10, 1 being, "Hey, we're going to have dinner at 7 instead of 6", 10 being, "Hey, that project you've put your heart and soul into for 6 months is not happening for reasons that you won't understand right now".  How did you do?

In business and ministry we are faced with these challenges regularly.  The higher the level of leadership the higher the number gets.  In 1 Samuel 14, Jonathan has a daring plan; he and his armor bearer sneak off to check out one of the Philistine outposts...Jonathan decides that depending on what the Philistines reaction to seeing them is they will either head back to camp or take on the outpost (just the two of them).  Now imagine you're the armor bearer.  How much would you have to trust the guy who has seemingly put you in a life or death situation?!  This is the armor bearer's response to Jonathan's plan:  "Do what you think is best.  I'm with you completely, whatever you decide."  Amazing!  The armor bearer puts his agenda (living another day) aside and chose to serve his leader.  As a result, God gives them the victory over 20 men in that outpost, but beyond that, fear strikes the entire Philistine army. Bonus!

Flexibility is putting your well laid plans aside to serve the bigger picture or to serve your leader and in some cases to serve someone in need.  Not too long ago I was faced with a last minute change to our worship service.  I had a choice in that moment to hang on to my well laid plans or to be flexible (and to ask my team to be flexible with me).  I can't say once you get to a certain level of leadership this becomes easier, only that your resolve to be flexible becomes stronger.  I chose to go the flexible route and as a result ended up with a better service than I had originally planned.

One of my favorite sayings has become our team's mantra.  "Over prepare, then go with the flow."  I love details, I love making maps, plans and schedules... but more than that, I love being challenged to step into the unknown because that's where I believe God does his best work.   

A shot of color...

I love the bottom right square...maybe I can get my artist husband to paint me something similar... ;)

Ears to Hear

What is God speaking to you right now? Mark 4:23 says "Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand." How well are we listening?

This verse has reminded me lately that God wants to be given the opportunity to guide us in every aspect of our lives. In a previous blog I wrote that we all have been made uniquely, I believe that we all hear God speak in our own unique way as well. Some of us "hear" things through circumstances, through visual or audible means, through friends family or pastors. And unfortunately, sometimes we "hear" things through consequences.

Mark 4:24 continues..."Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given—and you will receive even more.25 To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them."

Well, I'd rather pay close attention than miss out on all God has for me. But what about when we really don't feel we're hearing from God?

Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." I'm sad to say I've spent too many hours (mostly when I should be sleeping) trying to solve problems on my own. Thinking that maybe if I ponder it long enough the answer will come to me. Lately, when this happens though I ask God for his wisdom and let it go. I truly believe that he honors those who ask for his help in even the smallest situation. Sometimes the answer won't always come quickly or be what we wanted to hear but God's timing is perfect and he always sees the gorgeous HD panoramic view while we usually get the pixilated thumbnail and that's where trusting in him begins.

God cares about all the details of our lives. He deeply desires relationship with us. We should always be thankful that we have a God that not only will listen to our dilemas, requests and praises but will speak to us if we would wait on him...so...are you listening?

Fighting Inadequacy and Fostering Uniqueness

It’s easy to compare ourselves to other great leaders, pastors and worship leaders and feel like we don't measure up. When I first began worship leading at C3 Church ATL I was following in the footsteps of the mega talented, Jacky Bridgstock. She had just moved back to Australia and I began serving with some other extremely talented worship leaders. They each had their own style and strengths vocally that carried into their worship leading. I struggled for months, feeling my voice was too shaky, too low, too pitchy, blah, blah, blah... we all have our insecurities don't we?!

One night in a group conversation I remember one of the worship leaders I looked up to saying that she had felt insecure about her leading too! I sat in disbelief - surely she knows how good she is?! She went on to say that she realized that she needed to focus on what she was good at and not compare herself to all of us (don't know if she included me in that at the time but since I'm pretty confident now I'll just go ahead and assume she was).

While I can assure you I still sometimes have to pray my confidence into existence, I do know that I needed that revelation to shape who I would and still am becoming. It's not about a gift. It's not even about being the best at your particular strength. It's about your assignment. What did God ask YOU to do. What is it that you do really well, even if it's quirky? I'm really good at admin...Does that make me a really good worship leader...obviously not. But I take all of the pieces that make me unique and give them back to God by serving my Pastors like I'm serving Him. I decide to focus on keeping my strengths my strengths and do little things to improve my weaknesses.

A guy who currently serves in our Visual Arts team originally approached me about singing BV's. I encouraged him to plug in behind the scenes and prove his reliability with something out of the spotlight and then we could talk after a couple of months. What happened next was amazing (clearly, as I'm using it as an example...) He found his niche'! He volunteered to create things that most of the others on the team didn't desire or have time to do. He is my favorite example because he's operating fully in the unique way God created him.

We need to remember that God made us each unique. He gave us each our own assignment and when we understand our individual personality, gifts and pathways we will begin to find confidence in who he created us to be.

Worshiping out of the Anointing: Part 2

Anointing is directly related to how much time we've spent with God. I spoke of this in "Worshipping out of the Anointing: Part 1". To recap: You are a vessel. Time spent with God fills you up. When you lead worship you pour some out. You can only pour out so many times before you need to fill up again....in conclusion, worship leading on empty sucks! Now for part 2...And let me just say that this is not just for worship leaders but for anyone, in any kind of ministry.

A common mistake worship leaders (myself included) make especially in the early years of worship leading is looking at the time we need to spend with God as a task rather than a relationship. There is a great example of this in Luke 10:38. Jesus visits Martha's home and while she's busy fussing about preparing a meal (focusing on task) Mary drops everything to sit at Jesus' feet and hang on every word he says. Martha get's frustrated at the fact that Mary is choosing to not help her and rest at His feet. As a result, Jesus basically tells Martha she's missed it, she views God's presence as a task rather than just enjoying it.

Who doesn't like to be served? If you likened your relationship to God as a marriage it might look something like this....Marriage is all about serving your other half but if all we ever did was bustle about serving each other and never sit to enjoy each other's company we would start to question the other persons motives for serving. God wants to enjoy our company, to speak to us just as much as we speak to him. He wants for us to go on a date with him rather than just give him a kiss on the way out the door.

Look at spending time with God as you would a best friend or spouse. It causes your feelings of inadequacy to fade and you will gain the confidence to lead from a standpoint of knowing God and his character.

The Arch

Recently in prayer I got a vision of an arch or a wave, which made me think of the ups and downs we face. Our lives feel a little like a hill workout sometimes. We curse the times where we look at the road ahead and see nothing but incline. But what I've come to realize is those are the moments where we have the chance to strengthen ourselves. While running with my coach we started up a decent sized hill and she yelled out "This is making us stronger!" It's no different in other aspects of our life. Can you imagine how boring life would be if it was always flat, if we never allowed ourselves to face a challenge? If we never started out strong and then huffed and puffed up the last third of our mountain... But at the top of the mountain the sense of near defeat, yet overcoming accomplishment fills us! One more climb under our belt, one more climb to remind us the next time we face a giant. Those mountains are God's way of taking us to a new level.

Last month I went running in FL and had a real revelation of what living life in a flat environment would feel like, both physically and spiritually. I longed for a hill to tackle and realized on that run that life's hills should be looked at as opportunities not inconveniences.

When faced with the other side of the mountain, you know, the downhill glide, remember to enjoy it but keep your eyes ahead for that next climb. Cherish the recovery, take the deep breaths all the while reminding yourself of what you just accomplished. Don't get comfortable coasting but as my Pastor, Jill Sweetman said "Get comfortable with uncomfortable." It's the hills that make you stronger and enable you to take on more!

Hiding Place

While out for a ride with my "coach" last week I bonked (In endurance sports, particularly cycling and running, hitting the wall or the bonk describes a condition caused by the depletion of glycogen stores in the liver and muscles, which manifests itself by precipitous fatigue and loss of energy.) Of course the next logical thing was to talk about it....Why did it happen and how can I avoid it next time.

On a side note, Jess and I have found that when we ride or run together we have very impacting conversations. Some that have, in fact, changed the very course of our lives. So when the opportunity to talk while training occurs I take advantage of it. This was indeed one of those times.

As we drudged up Cedars road's false flat we began talking about the importance of rest. Yes, rest in our sport is known as the 4th sport, just as important as all three other parts. But in this instance we were more specifically talking about the importance of knowing where, how, when you rest best. How well do you know yourself when it comes to your rest?

I learned this summer that I rest best in a tropical setting. In an environment where the only thing on the agenda is to enjoy God's creation. I learned that I need home cooked meals and that I need to buy more swimming suits because that is my wardrobe on this type of sabbatical. Quiet and time to muse and spend time with God is a must. But I also learned that my home needs to be more like the setting I'm talking about. No, I don't think palms would survive the winter here and maybe I can't trapse around in a swimming suit but I can create a home that feels like a haven, a safe place, a place that is as low maintenance as possible so I can focus on the things that make me feel rested.

We've made little changes since we returned from our last trip. But then the choice is to allow myself to ignore the laundry and dirty dishes long enough to go sit outside at dusk and enjoy the backyard I'm blessed enough to have.

Battle Wounds

As a worship leader I have often described what our team does as being on the front lines of a battle. The battle is over people's focus during a worship service. People come in from all kinds of situations, dealing with all kinds of distractions; finances, relationships or just plain apathy. The job of the worship team is to take their focus off their problems and onto God. This is not always so easy. Technical issues arrise, perhaps we struggle from insecurities (and who doesn't), tension with others can also be an obstacle.

A few weeks ago, when we finished our two Sunday morning services I felt as if I had "run the guantlet". Although the music, sound, lights and video were all fine, I felt like I came out of it with a couple of hits. Like we had faced an increased amount of resistance. I believe the supernatural battle that we can't see can actually affect us in the natural. That's why it's so important to be prayed up and filled with the Holy Spirit.

At the end of the worship service I got a text saying worship was so powerful. Well in my mind it didn't feel that way, but because I pressed through, someone connected with God. I also got a major download at the end of that service. I saw people writing their own revelations down in their notebooks which tells me all I need to know. Even when you have a tough worship service God will use it. He moves despite the resistance, despite the technical issues or tension with those you serve with. He will honor the battle you fight. The wounds will heal and the scars will be reminders of the battles we've faught and won.